will the real football please stand up?

I could post some already overdone ramblings about the upcoming SB41, how Peyton finally made it past his arch-rival, how Rex Chapman is a shitty QB (BTW, what's the over/under on his QB rating for the game? I'll take the under), how we're all going to be subjected to countless utterences of "da Bears" (which is already annoying), or some other made-for-tv drama revolving around the lamest professional sport in America (step aside Curling!).

The real question: Who cares? The NFL is completely irrelevant. I'm not even convinced it is a sport. (See Honest Abe's criteria for "sports" in his post "priorities" from a few days ago.) At one point in my life I had a rant, probably 2,000 words worth or so, dedicated to this argument. I even sat with a stop watch and counted how many minutes worth of SB39 was actual sporting-action (22 out of 48, which may be a lower action:inaction ratio than baseball). But most of that rant doesn't really matter, here is all you need to know about the NFL: it's slow, rarely exciting, and promotes obesity. The Superbowl is a 4 hour beer, junk food, and erectile dysfunction commercial. I know more people who "watch for the commercials" than for the game itself, which says that there is something seriously flawed with the on-field product.

"Soccer" is the real football. It moves quickly, it is 90 straight minutes of action and therefore requires an entire team of elite athletes, it is strategic, it has flair, and above all it has the power to end wars!! (See Cote D'Ivoire's trip to the World Cup, or Angola's, or even the success of Iraq in the pan-asian games--which they won!). It even makes sense etymologically: foot + ball = football. On the other hand, American "football" is completely nonsensical. You MAYBE use your feet one out of every four plays, and that is only if your team sucks. I don't even need a real argument for why soccer/football is superior in almost every way, the proof is in the puddin (which is a very odd phrase, what in the hell does it mean?). Everyone other man, woman, child and country in the world loves football (the real one). And the sooner we Americans can figure that out, the better we will all be, and the better our standing in the world will be. Seeing as our geopolitics are a mess, the least thing we could do is put a competitive team on the pitch every four years at the World Cup. Otherwise everyone thinks of us as both arrogant and shitty athletes. (The latter point reinforced by our recent decline on the world stage of the world's second most popular sport: basketball).

Which leads me to David Beckham. Sure, he's basically the Tom Cruise of [real] football. But lest we forget, although crazy, Cruise is still a mighty fine actor. Becks--although drunk with his own fame and like any good junkie always wanting more--is a mighty fine footballer (me likey this Cruise parallel, whats even more interested is that I read that Becks & Posh are like BFF with TomKat, but that is for someone elses blog). His right foot alone is probably worth millions, and I would be shocked if he hasn't taken out a policy on it with Lloyd's of London. ANYWAYS, as I am sure you have read, Becks is coming to our shores to show us a thing or two about footy, and make a cool $50 mill per year in the process. Not bad for a kids game.

A lot of people are talking about how he'll increase the popularity of the sport and blah blah blah. Maybe. He will certainly sell a shitload of jerseys (especially in Asia, where in places like Thailand and Japan there are shrines dedicated to this man). And he'll help sell out a bunch of stadiums in his first year in the MLS. But what has me hopefully is that he is coming over at the tail-end of his prime. He's certainly not washed up. He's probably at the same point in his career as say Steffan Marbury (or Tom Cruise); while not the best in the world or even the best at his own position, he's still pretty damn good, and way better than average. I am hopeful that his move by Becks opens the door to the US market to other world class players in similar positions in their careers. For example, Ronaldo just signed with AC Milan. But Milan has a bevy of strikers and its hard to see how Ronny will get any PT, after all he's become rather slow and fat (no, not as slow and fat as your average o-lineman). After watching his old Real Madrid teammate Becks make $50 mill/yr and carving up the American competition, don't be surprised to see Ronny in a New York Red Bulls jersey come March of 2008. And more will follow. And that to me is what is so good about this $250 million dollar investment in football in the US. Becks himself won't change the perception of football in the states, but if more stars like him start coming, it will. And that will lead to a better on-field product for people to watch, and that is what almost certainly increase the appeal of the sport. Well, that AND an entire generation of American football fans dying from Type II diabetes.