TGIF

Just wanted to let ya'll know that I am drunk at work and you are not. Eat your heart out. It was our founder's 65th B-Day, and there was cake and champagne and beer. At 3pm. Awesome. I had about 5 glasses, trying to be as discreet as possible, but I got called out on the third pour. I think it was because in a 45 minute span, I was the only one who went back to the bottle 5 times. And once you're called out day drinking in front of co-workers, you really have just two options: (A) shyly sip the third glass, but never finish it and leave it half full on a table in clear view of many co-workers while you go back to your desk with your tail between your legs, OR (B) laugh, make a joke along the lines of "I thought it was apple juice" and unabashedly pound two more glasses of champagne. I did (b), without the lame joke.

I fucking LOVE champagne, and I am not afraid to admit it. I especially like this one:

Thank God its Friday.

mr chen's restaurant review

:) You have much skill in expressing yourself to be effective. :)

WTF?

Daily Numbers 6 5 4
Lotto Six # ' s 6 41 27 31 37 4

Ah-hah.

Do all fortunte cookies thrive on stereotypes like these, or are there PC fortune cookies, do you think? If there are, I bet they're organic, too. Why do we have to put such jibberish on the fortune? "You have much skill in..." No one speaks like that. Why not, "You are very good at___?" or "You do ____ exceptionally well?" And how the fuck is this even a fortune? This is a compliment. This does not pretell anything. And for chrissakes, what's with the fucking smiley faces on each end of the hackneyed English* that we stereotype all Asian-Americans speaking like?

"Woah," Reader says. "I think you're taking the whole fortune thing a little too literally. As a matter of fact, Merriam-Websters On-line Dictionary says that a fortune cookie is

Main Entry: fortune cookie
Function: noun
: a thin cookie folded to contain a slip of paper on which is printed a fortune, proverb, or humorous statement

Fine. But that still doesn't explain why we need to put the stupid phrase in a dialect of English that no one speaks, except in Charlie Chan movies and Yan Can Cook.

OK, maybe your sensibilities aren't offended yet. So you turn over your fortune and get the days "winning" lotto numbers? Or is this supposed to be the fortune telling part and I just never really understood these cookies fully before? Scary thought. But back to the lotto thing for a sec... Do they get a cut? Why are they promoting sales of lottery tickets? Don't they know that there are actual people out there who will believe this fortune shit and will probably go out and spend money they shouldn't be spending on the nights big pick six? [Note: these are probably the same people who think Asian-Americans really do speak in jibberish]

Needless to say, Mr. Chen's Organic Chinese already has one strike against it, and I haven't even gotten to the food yet. Of course I eat the fortune cookie first, don't you?

We got the General Tso's Bean Curd and "Singapore style angel hair rice noodle combination - Vegetarian." Which was quite the mouthful to order. Good thing I have much skill in expressing myself to be effective. We also had the steamed veggie dumplings and veggie springrolls. I dunno what it is about those little fucking things (yes I do, they're deep fried), but I just can't resist spring rolls. They were not part of the menu we had settled on but once I got on the phone and was in the heat of ordering, I broke down and tacked on the extra order of springrolls. This was Prez Day, and I was ordering takeout for me, Partner (heretoafter referred to as "P," or maybe just Pee) and our pal Steff (who you may know from Mindy's Blog).

The food arrived just in time, I think Pee and I were pretty famished. Steff got hungry once the food got there. (Yes, you need to know these things). The General Tso's had one of those little chile peppers next to it on the menu, indicating it was "very hot." Bullshit. It tasted like sweet and sour with one dried red chile thrown in. Boring. And on top of that, "Bean curd" turned out to be nothing more than fried tofu. What is weird about this--and we three had a good long chat trying to get to the bottom of it, to no avail I might add--is that they had bean curd and tofu both on the menu. Indicating to me anyways that they were somehow different. Maybe like texture wise or something. Sure, you're calling me and idiot and saying that tofu IS bean curd. I'll give you that, but why put both fucking synonyms on the menu? Why doesn't the menu just say General Tso's Tofu? This makes just zero sense when you see the menu, too, because it is right next to something with Tofu in the name? Were they going for variety? WTF?!?! Another strike against Mr. Chen's. No, make that two more strikes against because in all honesty I was really bummed out about the lack of kick and boring flavor and the really really REALLY rubbery-spungy not at all exciting bean curd/tofu. The Singapore style noodles were fine, and the veggies were good. I'd get that again, maybe. I have this thing where if I am getting a bunch of Chinese food to share I like to make sure we get stuff with both noodle dishes and rice dishes. 'Cuz I like variety, don't get me wrong, just not when I am trying to figure out what the hell is the difference between tofu and bean curd.

The steamed dumplings were a bona fide hit though. And by golly, them spring rolls were mighty good eatin'. But these things should be good, they are simple friggin' app's. Seriously.

At the end of the day, I just cannot endorse Mr Chen's to someone. Especially not when I live one block away from the best Szechuan in the District. Really, you must check out the ma la menu at the Great Wall Szechuan House. The MF'ing bomb. Goddaaammmm GodDAMM makes my mouth water just thinkin' about it.

Oddly enough, I've never been put off by their fortune cookies either.

*ok ok ok... I get it is probably not a good thing to deride a stereotypically racist manner of speaking by saying hackneyed English, which I think comes from making fun of the way people from Hackney spoke the Queen's English. Well as Val Kilmer said in Tombstone, my hypocracy knows no bounds.

Weather Watch

New Segment here at Domestique! We're gonna track the weather of four cities around the country for the next month or so with en eye towards bikability. Being able to bike, which has the distinction of being both my preferred and only form of transportation, is going to be a factor in deciding what sort of climate I might be able to move to next. I am afraid this metric might severely hurt Minneapolis's chances, so let's just say it might be a factor in the decision, but by no means will it be the only one.

Without further ado...

Seattle, WA (98195)

Feb 18 Today

Mostly cloudy this morning with showers developing this afternoon. Snow levels above 2000 feet. High 47F. Winds SSW at 15 to 25 mph. Chance of rain 80%.

Feb 18 Tonight

Showers this evening becoming a steady light rain overnight. Low 43F. Winds S at 10 to 15 mph. Chance of rain 80%.

Feb 19 Tomorrow

Cloudy with periods of rain. High 49F. Winds SSW at 10 to 20 mph. Chance of rain 90%. Rainfall near a half an inch.

Feb 19 Tomorrow night

Periods of rain. Low 42F. Winds S at 10 to 20 mph. Chance of rain 90%.

BIKABILITY RATING: 19 spokes (out of 32, of course). Hmm, tough one to judge without seeing it in person... sorta windy, not too cold, and rainy. True, Seattle being rainy isn't exactly newsworthy. But look at those temps? 40s? Nice. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. Verdict: if it ain't coming down too hard, its bikable, but not pleasurable. Might require travelling with a dry change of clothes. Minor inconvenience, but I'm still mobile.

Berkeley, CA (94720)

Feb 18 Today Mostly cloudy skies this morning will become partly cloudy this afternoon. High 63F. Winds WNW at 10 to 20 mph. Feb 18 Tonight Mostly clear. Low 42F. Winds NW at 10 to 15 mph. Feb 19 Tomorrow Plentiful sunshine. High 64F. Winds NW at 10 to 20 mph. Feb 19 Tomorrow night A mostly clear sky. Low 41F. Winds W at 5 to 10 mph.

BIKABILITY RATING:29.5 spokes. Beautiful biking weather, except that 20 mph-er. If its in your face going up those famed hills, my guess is it's pretty brutal. Temperature looks about perfect tho.

Minneapolis, MN (55414)

Feb 18 Today Sun and clouds mixed. High 21F. Winds SE at 10 to 15 mph. Feb 18 Tonight Mainly cloudy. Low 17F. Winds SSE at 10 to 20 mph. Feb 19 Tomorrow Mostly cloudy. Turning warmer. High around 40F. Winds WSW at 10 to 15 mph. Feb 19 Tomorrow night Partly to mostly cloudy. Low 22F. Winds W at 5 to 10 mph.

BIKABILITY RATING:7 spokes. My guess is snow and ice still abound, and that is what is really driving the rating down here for me (I'd a "roadie" as they say, no mountain bike in my stable). I can bike in cold, maybe not the night time low type cold, but 20's and up are fine for me. But add in the wind, and damn, that shits pretty cold. Hard to motivate for morning rides, this weather pretty much confines one to commuting only. Anyone know the ins-n-outs of bringing a bike on the newfangled LRT out there in 'Sota (lookin' at you here, James)? Is it OK, do they shun it?

And lastly, we've got Washington, DC. I'm including this as a baseline comparison since I am now very familiar with winter biking in DC and which conditions allow for it and which don't (at least for me). And also, it's entirely possible I actually won't leave the District area, so it seems like it should be included here (even though I am tired of this post and really just want to be done now).

Washington, DC (20009)

Feb 18 Today Cloudy with rain and snow showers. Windy. Cold. High near 35F. Winds NW at 20 to 30 mph. Chance of precip 30%. Feb 18 Tonight Some evening flurries with clearing conditions expected after midnight. Cold. Low 18F. Winds NW at 15 to 25 mph. Feb 19 Tomorrow Mainly sunny. High 37F. Winds WSW at 10 to 15 mph. Feb 19 Tomorrow night Partly to mostly cloudy. Low 32F. Winds SSW at 10 to 15 mph.

BIKABILITY RATING: 16 spokes. It really sounds worse here than it really is outside. That said, we were recently hit by a nice snow and ice storm that has the roads a mess. The weather, otherwise, is fine (mas o menus, its still a little cold for my liking). But it's really the roads that are the problem here.

Weekly winner: Hands-down, its Berkeley. Berkeley could very well win every week, and it really isn't fair I suppose to compare these disparate climates. But then again, Berkeley isn't even an option yet, and probably won't become one.